Oscar predictions

by Mr. Nobel

You know, for kids?

Best Picture: The Artist

As inevitable as the cancer I’m going to get from my addiction to Diet Pepsi. 

Best Director: Terrence Malick

There are some causes you abandon and some ships you go down with. This is the latter. See Roman Polanski, 2002. 

Best Actor: Jean Dujardin

Fuck the French!

Best Actress: Viola Davis

Meryl Streep’s a close second, but The Iron Lady is just kind of shit

Best Supporting Actor: Christopher Plummer

The Max van Sydow campaign is a total non-starter. 

Best Supporting Actress: Octavia Spencer

Year of the shit: Melissa McCarthy gets nominated for shitting into a sink, Spencer’s going to win for shitting into a pie.

Original Screenplay: Midnight in Paris

Fuck France!

Adapted Screenplay: The Descendants

Fuck Hawaii!

Best Cinematography: Hugo

The Academy’s all about fucking Emmanuel Lubezki. 

The rest: who gives a shit?