by Mr. Nobel
You know, for kids?
Best Picture: The Artist
As inevitable as the cancer I’m going to get from my addiction to Diet Pepsi.
Best Director: Terrence Malick
There are some causes you abandon and some ships you go down with. This is the latter. See Roman Polanski, 2002.
Best Actor: Jean Dujardin
Fuck the French!
Best Actress: Viola Davis
Meryl Streep’s a close second, but The Iron Lady is just kind of shit
Best Supporting Actor: Christopher Plummer
The Max van Sydow campaign is a total non-starter.
Best Supporting Actress: Octavia Spencer
Year of the shit: Melissa McCarthy gets nominated for shitting into a sink, Spencer’s going to win for shitting into a pie.
Original Screenplay: Midnight in Paris
Adapted Screenplay: The Descendants
Best Cinematography: Hugo
The Academy’s all about fucking Emmanuel Lubezki.
The rest: who gives a shit?