This Great Evil

Month: November, 2012

At Skyfall

While I do love my mom, she’s not the best person with which to watch movies. She has this habit of asking both really obvious and rather insistent questions throughout the film which gets less endearing and significantly more aggravating as the movie goes on. Here’s a sampling of the crap she said while the family was watching Skyfall (spoilers follow):

when James Bond gets introduced by the theme music

Mom: Is this James Bond?

when the bad guy pulls out his blinged Glock

Mom: Is that a gun? Oh, no he’s got a gun! He’s got a gun!

when James Bond talks to M in her house

Mom: Who is that? What’s that on M’s computer?

when the main bad guy starts walking towards James Bond

Mom: Is he the bad guy?

when the main bad guy shoots the main Bond girl in the head

Mom: Is she dead?

when the helicopters appear after James Bond explains to the main bad guy Q’s radio gizmo

Mom: Where did they come from?

when the main bad guy tries to shoot M

Mom: Why does he not like her?

when the main bad guy storms Skyfall

Mom: Why didn’t they bring any back up?

Me: Good point, Mom.

Mom: Also, why is he trying to kill the old lady?

Me:…

when James Bond stands on the roof of MI6 with several union jacks in plain sight

Mom: Where is this? Is this Shanghai again?

when the credits start to roll

Mom: Was this James Bond?

Yes, Mom. Yes it was.

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Movies for the holidays (*)

Thanksgiving is nearly upon us, and with it comes the rest of the big winter family-oriented holidays. What better way to celebrate the only time of the year some of us have with our loved ones than to lock ourselves in a room and turn on the television? Here are some of my personal picks for winter holiday movies:

Come and See (1985)

This charming coming of age movie reminds us of the magic of childhood innocence  Framed around a big game of hide and seek, Come and See explores the simply joy of having parents who are totally alive and proper bovine etiquette. A must see for the whole family!

Antichrist (2009)

Take the -mas out of Christmas and you’re left with Christ. Now add Anti and you’ve got Antichrist! It’s got a tree made entirely out of hands, probably as part of a lesson on the pagan traditions upon which Christmas was based. Antichrist also has a delightful talking fox and a bunch of friendly crows. For the grownups in the room, Antichrist also has a stellar, biting turn by Willem Dafoe as a comically inept therapist. There’s something for everyone in this rambunctious picture.

Visitor Q (2001)

Director Takashi Miike, long known for his well-received Nicolas Sparks adaptations, breaks into the children’s film industry with this smash-hit epic. Visitor Q tells the uplifting story of an eccentric Japanese family as they learn to adapt to and cope with modern life in the city. Hilarious hi-jinks ensue! Be on the lookout for the film’s famous, gutbusting poop scene.

Addio Zio Tom (1971)

Addio Zio Tom is a movie about that special person in your family. You know, the one that nobody really likes but you all put up with because it’d be really weird otherwise and you’d feel bad and probably need a shower or something afterwards, but then you find out that the shower drain’s clogged because your landlady forgot to clean it out before you moved in so now you have to pick giant black globs of hair and crap out of the drain that belonged to god knows who and is infested with hitherto unknown numbers of diseases.

Addio Zio Tom is most assuredly not part of a some painfully drawn out gag in which I reinterpret horrifically traumatizing films as Christmas movies because I just realized that I hadn’t posted anything on the blog in the last month and didn’t have any better ideas.

I’m going to need a drink after this.