Here come the fucking Oscars

For posterity’s sake:

Best Picture – Prediction: Gravity

Should win: The Wolf of Wall Street

Best Director – Prediction: Alfonso Cuaron

Should win: David O. Russell, because he really, really needs to just get it out of his system and fuck Jennifer Lawrence win an Oscar already.

Best Actor – Prediction: Matthew McConaughey

Should win: Anyone, really, except Christian Bale.

Best Actress – Prediction: Cate Blanchett

Should win: Either her or Amy Adams. But FFS, in a year with Adele Exarchopoulos, Brie Larson and Julie Delpy, they go for Streep and Dench? Fucking embarrassment.

Best Supporting Actor – Prediction: Jared Leto

Should win: Bradley Cooper

Best Supporting Actress – Prediction: Lupita Nyong’o

Should win: Eh. Anyone.

Best Adapted Screenplay – Prediction: 12 Years a Slave

Should win: The emperor of Fucksville. I mean, The Wolf of Wall Street

Best Original Screenplay – Prediction: Her

Should win: Her, I guess, since they really hated Inside Llewyn Davis, evidently.

Best Cinematography – Prediction: Gravity

Should win: Gravity or Inside Llewyn Davis

Best Costume Design – Prediction: American Hustle

Should win: I was quite partial to costumes from The Grandmaster, but all of them are pretty deserving here.

Best Film Editing – Prediction: Captain Phillips

Should win: NOT American Hustle

Best Makeup and Hairstyling – Prediction: Dallas Buyers Club

Should win: Have you seen Bad Grandpa? No? Well, I guess I don’t blame you.

Best Original Score – Prediction: Gravity

Should win: Ugh, Her, I guess? Weak field, weak year. Hans Zimmer probably deserves another trophy for his William Tell mix from The Lone Ranger.

Best Original Song – Prediction: “Let It Go” from Frozen

Should win: Anything else

Best Production Design – Prediction: The Great Gatsby

Should win: Her, by a country mile

Best Sound Editing – Prediction and should win: Gravity

Best Sound Mixing – Prediction: Gravity

Should win: Inside Llewyn Davis

Best Visual Effects – Is this even a question? Gravity

Best Animated Film – Prediction: Frozen

Should win: See comments regarding Original Song

Best Documentary Feature – Prediction: 20 Feet from Stardom

Best Foreign Language Film – Prediction: The Great Beauty

Best Animated Short Film – Prediction: Mr. Hublot

Best Documentary Short – Prediction: The Lady in Number 6

Best Live Action Short Film – Prediction: The Voorman Problem (aka the only English one)